Contracts Long Expired
by USEChairman
Summary: Nobody remembers their old lives after they die. And frankly, the Snatcher isn't interested in breaking that little unspoken rule. He's never before had a desire to re-live lost memories, and that's unlikely to change anytime soon. However, there are some irritants that just won't take 'no' for an answer. Certain, hat-wearing, annoyingly adorable irritants...
1. Chapter 1

The Snatcher, shadowy guardian of Subcon Forest, was best known for his wide, eery, and seemingly ever-present smile. And there was a good reason he wore that smile. Many reasons in fact.

It could be used as a powerful tool in his negotiations, assuring his clueless little correspondents that he was on their side, and that he wanted nothing less than to see them benefit from their voluntary obligations. It was a deadly weapon, helping to lull his victims into a painfully adorable sense of security, before he swiftly removed their heads from their thin, fragile necks.

But more than everything else, it had just become his "thing". He had heard the many stories that those who lived outside his forest told about him: Terrifying tales of a dark, massive, and powerful creature within the deepest reaches of the woods, who sucked the souls from his helpless victims and harnessed their lifeless husks to do his bidding. A bit crude and not entirely accurate, of course, but he still enjoyed occasionally listening to the stories that had been weaved about him as he traveled through the shadows, stealing mail and scaring the pants off a few clueless saps every now and then.

And one thing the shadow had noticed was that, despite some variations in the descriptions those storytellers had given to him, (he had once heard an old bird say that he bore giant horns on his head, and could shoot laser beams from his eyes) his wicked, bright yellow smile always seemed to be the most common detail they would mention about his appearance.

So, not wanting to disappoint his fans, he always made it a point to wear that branded smile whenever he was around anyone; from his faithful minions to his oblivious contractors.

And yet, despite how famous that smile had evidently made him (as well as the fact that smiling evidently releases feel-good endorphins in the brain... though come to think about it, he wasn't sure he even had any endorphins, or a brain for that matter) his smile never truly felt... real to him. It was really only a tool he used, and almost never a sign of his… oh, what's the word? Happiness.

There were only two times he could call his smile truly genuine. The first was when he was signing a contract. Oh, that sweet scratch of a ghostly quill pen; that soft, pure black and permanent ink seeping into the parchment and giving him complete control over one more poor soul's very existence. It was bliss. It was euphoria. It was the highlight of his days.

The second had very much to do with the first. It was when someone stepped into one of his traps. Seeing as how most of the traps scattered around his domain were extensions of his own will and power, he could instantly sense the moment anybody with their heart still beating stepped into one of the root-like cages, and the feeling was almost as blissful as signing another contract. It was less the excitement of actually trapping another potential soul, but more the anticipation of what could come next. It was heaven to even imagine all the contracts that could be signed, all the deals that could be made, all the new prospects and ventures that could be agreed upon.

And so it was, on yet another dark, dreary, and quiet twilight, deep in the bowels of his Subcon Forest. He was reading one of his favorite books by the dark of an invisible new moon when he felt that familiar twinge in the back of his mind. His eyes lit up bright and his glowing, yellow smile grew from ear to non-existent ear on his round, featureless head, before he closed the book and threw it over his shoulder, silently summoning one of his minions in order to catch the old volume before it hit the ground. And then, without a second thought, he instantly sunk down into the shadows and began to travel to the spot where one of his traps had just been triggered.

Since shadows technically don't exist, the Snatcher's method of traveling through them from one place to another was more or less instantaneous. Despite that, he always somehow managed to fit in a thousand, excited thoughts during this brief time, usually ideas for tasks he could assign to his new contractually obligated servants.

 _I could have them fix the bridges in the swamp!_ He was thinking on this particular night. _They could spruce up a few of the old houses, or maybe… hmm, mail duty's always an option... Aha! I know! Laundry! Yes, I'll have them do my laundry! I don't have any laundry, but that's no big deal! I'll just make some for them!_

"Hahahahahaa!" He laughed to himself, just as he arrived underneath the sprung trap.

He took a few moments before introducing himself to his new guest, first conjuring a veil of inky, otherworldly darkness around the trap in order to instil a sense of dread within his prey. A few flashes of bright, purple energy to simulate lighting, a rumbling roar from beneath their feet, and then, taking a deep breath, he finally rose up from beneath the earth as dramatically and terrifyingly as he could.

"AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! FOOOOOOOooo…"

"You know, I think you scare people doing that."

The Snatcher's bellowing yell caught in his throat, and his eyes fell to see the last thing he had been expecting. Brown hair, tied into a tidy ponytail; a yellow blanket, clipped around a cute neck like a cape; a short, purple dress with an oversized zipper; big, shining blue eyes; and, most prominently of all, a tall, purple top hat with a yellow band wrapped around the midsection. There was only one soul in the universe that could radiate that much untainted adorableness.

"Heya kiddo!" He said, his smile becoming real as he allowed the inky veil around the two of them dissipate until they were both back in the dreary dark of Subcon Forest. "I didn't expect to see you around _my_ forest again, especially after that little contract we signed…"

Hat Kid giggled. "You mean the one that said I can explore whenever I want?"

Snatcher crossed his arms. " _That_ wasn't part of the deal, kid. I specifically laid out all the conditions you were supposed to adhere to, but then you changed them all without consulting me. In the business, we call that a bad deal, and it voids any obligation _I_ have of upholding my end of it."

"But... you still put the stamp thingy on it."

"If major changes are made to the contract after the seal of approval is applied, then the offended party is still allowed to sever ties to said contract, as well as invalidate the whole agreement if so necessary."

"Uh… I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You should read a book every now and then, kid." His smile grew wider. "Buuuut, what the heck? I mean, you did help to save the world from a real bad fate, so there's probably no harm in allowing you back into my woods every now and then. Besides…" His grin grew impossibly wide. "I bet I know why you're here in the first place!"

He suddenly darted down until he was right in front of Hat Kid, simultaneously conjuring up a long piece of parchment and shoving into her face.

"You want to sign another contract!" He bellowed. "Oh, I can't tell you how excited I am to have you back in my service, kid! Now, I don't have a lot of options for you to choose from right right now, but if you just finish this little task up nice and clean, I'd bet…"

"Uh uh…" Hat Kid interrupted, pushing the contract aside before crossing her arms and shaking her head with a pouty frown. "I'm not signing another stupid contract."

"What?" Snatcher's grin almost dropped from his face. "Now, c'mon kid, don't be difficult. I know we've went through some rough patches in the past, but we're _friends_ now, aren't we? Friends who can sign all the contracts in the world, right? Right. Come on, sign the paper."

"Nope."

"Kid…" He growled, taking on a firmer, more sinister tone. "Maybe you forgot what happened last time you _disobeyed_ …"

"I remember." She said simply, before pulling out something from behind her back. "Which is why I brought this."

"What's…" The Snatcher squinted down to see a can of blue spray paint clenched in her fingers.

"Whoa, whoa! Easy there, kid!" He said quickly, darting backwards and tucking the contract away back into the shadows to hold his hands up defensively. "No need to be hasty now, ehehehe…"

"No contracts!" Hat Kid declared, pointing the can up and putting a finger on the nozzle.

"Alright alright!" He almost pleaded. "No… no c-" He made a sound similar to choking, and he coughed as though the words he was trying to spit out were hurting him. "Ugh… No con-contracts…"

He shuddered, silently promising himself he'd never say that again.

"Good." Hat Kid said plainly with a happy tone in her voice. She pulled the can down and tucked it back behind her before clasping her hands together and rocking back and forth on her feet, an innocently evil gleam in her eyes.

"So…" The Snatcher grumbled, feeling as though he'd just been robbed. "If you're not here to sign contracts, then why are you here, kid?"

"I wanted to play."

"Play?"

"Yeah!"

"Kid, don't you live in another universe or something?"

"Kinda."

"You traveled from wherever your freaky planet is, all the way to my humble home, just to _play_?"

"Yep!"

"Faaantastic. Listen kid, I don't have _time_ to play around with you, alright? It's not that I don't hate you or anything, it's just that hanging around you too long when you're all free and _happy_ has an ill effect on my mental health. So, how about you just scram, and maybe I can…"

He stopped as Hat Kid suddenly began reaching behind her back again with a mischievous smirk.

"Alright, alright!" He said quickly, waving his hands back and forth. "I'll bite! What do you want to do?"

"Oh, I dunno." She hummed innocently, beginning to rock again. "It's up to you. It's your forest after all."

Snatcher shook his head. "Grr, you little… Fine, whatever. I guess we can… I don't know, walk around for a bit? A few minutes. Maybe one. Sound good to you, kid?"

"Sounds good! C'mon, follow me!"

With a wide smile, the little girl spun around and began practically skipping away with a disgustingly happy stride. Reluctantly, Snatcher began to trail behind her as she romped freely through _his_ woods, all the while trying to figure out if there was someway he could get his hands on that spray paint without her noticing.

* * *

"Soooo, how are your minions doing?"

Just minutes later, Hat Kid was bounding through the tall trees, hopping and swinging from branch to branch with precise and graceful jumps, while Snatcher snaked through the air alongside her, keeping a perfect pace with her movements.

"Ah, same old, same old. Weak, small, useless. Good cannon fodder. Not much else. But thanks for asking, kiddo! They'll be ecstatic to hear that you were thinking of them!" He let out a long, exuberant laugh.

"Aw, no problem." She giggled, diving down and landing on the end of another branch with a soft grunt. "They are really cute."

"Kid, don't call my minions 'cute'. I know they're not as intimidating as yours truly, but they still need to uphold _my_ reputation. So no throwing around nasty descriptions like that, alright?"

"Like what? _Cute_?"

"Yes. That."

"So I can't call them ' _cute'_?"

"No, I just said you can't. Stop it."

"Cuuuute?" She said with a sing-songy voice.

Snatcher growled loud enough to make sure she heard it. "Why couldn't you go and bother some of your other friends?"

"I don't bother them, and besides, I already did! The Mafia are all as weird as usual, The Conductor and DJ Grooves are still fighting a lot, and the villagers in the mountains are still… well, I dunno what they usually do. But I do like hearing them talk."

With a short jump and a quick flip, the young girl suddenly bounded off the branch and began falling down to the forest floor. However, long before she had the chance to hit the earth, she quickly took out and opened up her blue, yellow-starred umbrella.

"Oh, so you decided to visit me last then, huh?" Snatcher asked as he watched her drift slowly and softly to the ground. "I'm flattered."

She giggled, closing the umbrella and resting it on her shoulder as she began walking again. "You should be, you're my favorite, Snatchy! I wanted to save the best for last!"

"'Snatchy'? Don't call me… Did you say I was your favorite?"

"Yep! You're tons of fun, when you're not pretending to be all creepy and evil."

"Kid, I don't pretend. I am one hundred percent, genuine creep. I've got enough evil in one finger to set fire to a church-load of grannies! And when it comes to terror, I'm the best there is!"

"What about that creepy old lady in the manor?"

He paused for a moment. "Alright, I'm the second best. But at least I'm proactive with what I do!"

"I have no idea what that means." The girl shrugged.

"It means that I don't wait around and do nothing while the world revolves around me. I go out and actually make use of the time I've been given. Inspirational, isn't it?"

"Sure, whatever." She paused for a minute, and let out a long, overly-dramatic yawn. "What's her deal anyway?" She asked with her mouth still wide open.

"Who?"

"The creepy old lady."

"You mean Vanessa?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She shrugged. "I mean, it seems like you've got pretty much everything else in the forest all 'contracted' and under your thumb and stuff. Except for her." She paused. "Actually, you don't have thumbs. That must kinda suck. But you know what I mean, right? Why don't you do anything about her?"

The smile had melted from Snatcher's face. "Alright kid, listen close, cause I'm _not_ saying this again. We do not talk about that hunchbacked shadow creep, got it? I understand if you're curious, I do. But there are just some subjects I'm not privy to discuss, if you catch my drift. So, for your own good, _drop it._ "

Hat Kid looked up at Snatcher with a surprised gleam in her eyes. "Huh? Why?"

"I literally just said to drop it."

"But why?"

"Because I'm not talking about it."

"How come? Are you scared of her?"

"I am _not_ scared of her." He declared firmly.

"Then why can't you talk about it? Is she more powerful than you?"

"Absolutely not. There's not a soul on Earth more powerful than me."

"Except me." Hat Kid said plainly.

"Except for… No! You are not… You got lucky, alright?"

"Sure." She giggled again. "So, if you are more powerful than her, then why don't you just kick her out? You don't seem to like her much."

"Believe me, I would if I could. I just... don't exactly have any power over her."

"Why?"

"I thought I told you to drop it."

"Oh, come on. I wanna know."

"Well I'm not telling."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no."

"Pleaaaase?"

"Kid, if you want to keep your head…"

"Pleasepleaseplease?" She interrupted, standing on her tippy toes, folding her hands, and giving him the most adorable Bambi eyes she could muster.

"Are you actually doing this?"

"Pretty please? Pretty please with cheese and keys and squeeze and knees and..."

"Oh, just be quiet!" He bellowed at last. "I don't have any power over her because she's the one who killed me in the first place!"

"Huh? Whaddaya mean?"

Snatcher rolled his eyes, mentally kicking himself at having broken so quickly. "I wasn't always like this, kid. I used to have a real, normal body and all that good stuff, and I died just like everyone else does. But what makes me different from everyone else is that our freaky fiend, Queen Vanessa, was the one who offed me in the first place."

"How? And how come?"

"Kid, I don't remember anything about my past life. So even if I wanted to answer you, I couldn't. Now, if you could just kindly _drop this subject_ …"

"Why don't you remember?"

Snatcher groaned, rubbing his eyes with his two fingers. "I really should just take your head and be done with it."

"I'd like to see you try." She hummed, somehow managing to make the threat sound incredibly cute. "So, you gonna tell me?"

"No, I will not tell you. I have nothing to tell, because I don't remember, got it? Now, for the last. Time. Can we get back to where you were annoying me just by being you, and not by asking _pointless questions_?"

Hat Kid seemed to ignore his less-than-subtle 'question', instead giving him an odd, smug grin. "Do you wanna remember?"

"What?"

"Do you wanna remember how you died?"

"Kid, what do you think you're talking about?"

"I can help you remember."

"Help... Pfft… HA! Aaahahahahahahahaaa... Oh, you're serious?" He let out a scornful scoff. "Look, I don't know who you think you're kidding…"

"No, I mean it."

"Oh really? And how, _pray tell_ , are you going to do that?"

The young girl suddenly took on a serious face, pulling the collar on her cape upwards and adopting the stance of a secret agent trading off classified information. "I know people." She said in an exaggeratedly deep voice, glancing around as if searching for eavesdropping spies.

"What kind of people?"

The guise dropped instantly. "Well, not really 'people'. More like, a super cool, super complicated, and super plot-relevant device that I think might be stuffed in my attic somewhere."

"So, you're saying this 'super cool device' can help me recover my lost memories?"

"Yeah! Doesn't that sound fun?"

Snatcher's grin grew to impossible size. "Ahahahahaaaa… no. I don't know if you've noticed, kiddo, but I'm perfectly happy with where I'm at. I don't need to regain any old, moldy memories to live a full and happy death. Look around…" He gestured to the dank and dark forest surrounding them. "I have everything I need right here! I've got my humble little house-tree, my faithful minions, my stinky swamp, my burning forest fire, my squeaky clean well (thanks again for that, kid.) Why would I need anything else?"

"But, don't you still want to remember?"

"Oh, remember my painful and probably extraordinarily brutal and graphic death? I know this must be a _big surprise_ for you kid, but not even a sliver."

"Aw, come on. It'd be fun!"

"I said _no._ And that is _final_."

With that, he turned away from the small girl, crossing his arms, sticking his (imaginary) nose into the air and (figuratively) putting his foot down.

And he stayed that way in almost total silence for what seemed like an eternity. A part of him had expected the kid to continue pestering him even after his firm statement, however, it appeared as though that wasn't the case. It appeared as though he'd actually managed to convince her, and for that, he was pleasantly surprised.

However, as the silence dragged on for a couple moments more, he realized that she wasn't saying anything at all. That… wasn't right. Shouldn't she have at least admitted defeat? Most people would have apologized and changed the subject by now. What was stopping her? He couldn't keep standing in this crossed position with his back to her. It was awkward. It was… just incredibly awkward. Why wasn't she saying anything? He couldn't turn back around. That'd look stupid. But he couldn't be the first one to talk either; that'd make him look stupid too. What was he supposed to do? The silence was killing him! Again!

Was that… a pen scratching?

"Here you go!" She said at last.

"What is it?" He responded, letting out an internal sigh of relief as the tension broke and he was finally able to slowly turn back around.

However, as his yellow eyes fell back down on the small child, he realized with a (figurative) sinking heart that she was holding a long, worn piece of parchment in one hand, and a thin quill feather in the other.

"Wanna sign a contract?" She asked, blinking sweetly.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _It's been way too long since I've posted anything to this site. I guess I can try to explain by saying that I was in an emotional slump or something, but I think it's be more accurate to say I just didn't want to write for a while. Why? I don't know exactly, I just couldn't find it in me. Maybe I was discouraged, but I can't say for sure._

 _Anyway, A Hat in Time has quickly and explosively entered my list of top 5 favorite games of all time, at the very least. I can say without exaggeration that a game hasn't filled me with so much pure, unadulterated joy for years, and Subcon Forest and the Snatcher especially made me smile like... well, the Snatcher. Frankly, I couldn't get the game off my mind, and after a couple more playthroughs and a dive into the modding community for the game, I found that the idea for this story was growing on my mind._

 _So, without too much hesitation, I decided to jump back in and get my ideas written down, and after finishing this up, I decided that it's half-decent enough to post online. I do hope you all enjoyed reading it, because I had a blast writing it. The Snatcher is just such an awesome character and it was a blast coming up with dialogue that I thought would fit him._

 _Well, anyway, I think that's all I have to say for now. I'll very likely be writing the coming chapters soon enough, and who knows? Maybe writing this new story will give me enough of a kickstart to go back and finish my stories that really need finishing. Fingers crossed, I suppose._

 _Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you soon._

 _Yours Truly, Ultimate Supreme Executive Chairman._


	2. Chapter 2

"How're you feeling, kiddo? Comfortable?"

"Uhhh, how did we get here again?"

Hat Kid's heart was pounding in her chest as she peered through the bars of the iron cage she was currently trapped in. The same cage that was dangling perilously over a bubbling pit of toxic sludge.

"Hehehehe…" Snatcher chuckled sinisterly as he watched Hat Kid squirm in her shiny new cage, tossing the can of blue spray paint up and down in one hand like a baseball. "What? You don't remember? You were trying to get me to sign that… cute little contract you wrote for me. I suppose you thought you could get me to do whatever you wanted by shoving a legally binding document in my face, hmm?"

"Well, yeah. Kinda."

"Then let me make it clear for you; I don't sign the contracts, young lady. I make them, and _you_ are the one who signs them. Not the other way around."

"No exceptions?"

"No."

"Not even for me?" She asked with wide Bambi eyes.

In response, Snatcher's grin grew eerily wide. Raising one hand up next to his face, he snapped his fingers once, and immediately, the cage began to plummet downwards towards the green sludge. Hat Kid let out a squeal of terror as she started falling with it, however, the apparatus only fell for half a second before it came back to a sudden and harsh stop.

"Any more questions?" Snatcher cackled.

"Ow…" Hat Kid grumbled as she clutched her spinning head. "Was the cage really necessary?"

"Not at all. It was more of a 'spur of the moment' kinda thing. I just figured it would be fun, and what do you know!? I'm having a absolute blast, _hanging out_ with you! Ahahahahahaa!"

"That… that was just terrible… ow..."

"You need to learn to laugh at things even if they aren't technically funny. Trust me, it numbs the pain. Heheheheh…"

"Sure, whatever. So, is your answer still 'no'?"

Snatcher's face fell into the most disbelieving look he'd ever mustered. "Seriously? I'm… _literally_ holding you above a vat of bone-melting acid right now, and you're _still_ trying to convince me? Let me spell it out for you: No. _No._ No. **No.** NO! Do you know what that spells, kid? That's right! No."

"Aw, come on. It'd be fun!"

"Fun like a rash, and I don't even remember what rashes feel like."

"Hey, yeah! That's another good reason! I can help you remember what… rashes…" She trailed off.

Snatcher gave her a flat look. "You do realize that's a ridiculous argument?"

"Yeah, it kinda sounded better in my head." She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "But, come on! What if you have a bunch of happy memories that you've forgotten? Don't you want to get those back?"

"Happy memories… heheheheheh… That's _real_ cute, kid."

"Well, what's wrong with that?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with that…"

A moment of silence.

"Well? What is it?"

"I'm _thinking_!" He snapped.

Hat Kid gave the shadow a wide, victorious grin. "Chalk up one more point for me. What's the score now?"

Snatcher was hardly amused by the taunt. Narrowing his eyes at the girl, he suddenly raised a hand and snapped his fingers once more. However, instead of the whole cage falling like before, the bottom sprung open like a hatch, and Hat Kid suddenly found herself with nothing but smokey, putrid air between her and the toxic sludge below.

The girl let out another terrified squeal as she began plummeting downwards, instinctively shutting her eyes and grabbing the rim of her hat to prevent it from flying away. With a final, mental " _Goodbye cruel, stupid world!"_ she prepared for the searing pain and overwhelmingly poopy smell that was quickly approaching.

Except it didn't come. Rather than the burning sensation one may or may not experience as a result of being dipped in acidic sludge, she instead suddenly felt herself hit something soft, plushy, and comfortable. Slowly opening one eye, she realized that she had landed on an over-sized pillow.

With her heart still beating and her vision just a little blurry (not to mention the queasiness she was forcing down), she managed to pull herself up into a sitting position, realizing that the pillow she was on was hovering mere inches above the green, putrid sludge. As she glanced around in surprise, she saw that the pillow was tied to an unusually long broomstick, and holding onto the end of that broomstick, right next to the edge of the pit, was one of Snatcher's short, squat minions.

"Heyya, kid..." The minion said, waving one of its stubby arms in a gesture of greeting.

"Hi Bart!" Hat Kid responded cheerfully, waving back with a wide smile. "How are you? Did Snatchy ever give you that raise you wanted?"

"O-oh… oh, uh…"

The minion slowly looked up at the Snatcher, his single, soulless eye wide with fear. Snatcher returned the look with a cold, menacing glare, his smile as wide as ever.

"'Raise' huh? Oh, hehehehehe… we'll talk about that soon enough. Won't we, _Bart_?"

The minion sighed deeply and cast his gaze to the ground. "Thanks a lot, kid…"

"No problem!" She sang with a wide smile.

Slowly and steadily, the minion began pulling the long broomstick back from over from the pit of sludge until Hat Kid could safely jump off the pillow and back to solid ground. Then, without a word, he waved one, final goodbye and sunk away into the shadows, leaving Snatcher and Hat Kid alone again.

"So, had a change of heart?"

"Not at all." Snatcher responded with a chuckle. "I just think there are more… _creative_ ways to get rid of you. After all, everyone only gets one death, so why not make it as fun as possible?"

"Wow. That's super deep… I think."

Snatcher suddenly sighed, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Kid, why are you so determined to get me to do this… thing, you want me to do?"

The girl only shrugged, absentmindedly playing with one of the corners of her cape as she rocked back and forth on her feet. "I dunno, no reason I guess."

"Don't try to sell me that, kid. I've seen people trying to outrun bears with less conviction then you've shown in the past hour. Nobody alive or better could say 'please' so many times and mean every one like you have. So, what's the deal, huh?"

She shrugged again. "Well, I dunno. I just… I mean, we're friends now, right? I figure… friends would do this kind of stuff for each other. Right? Make them happy and stuff? I think. I dunno, maybe not." She shrugged one more time.

Snatcher's face had fallen into a pensive frown. A part of him so badly wanted to lay down one final and firm 'NO' and be done with the dumb idea once and for all. (That same part was also telling him to throw the kid back in the cage to make sure she couldn't bother him about it anymore.)

However, to his surprise, he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. He still didn't think it was a good idea, instead considering it to be a massive waste of time.

Yet, for some reason, her words almost seemed to be tugging at his (fictional) heart. Her words about friendship and… happiness… Gah, what was he _thinking_? He would just go along with it so that it would be done, and she would stop bothering him. That was it. No more, and likely a whole lot less.

"Alright fine." He huffed with a defeated tone. "I'll give you… two minutes to do whatever it is you need to do."

"Five minutes."

Snatcher frowned. "Three minutes."

"Two minutes and forty two seconds."

"That… that's less than…" He rolled his eyes. "Sure, works for me. Two minutes and… forty two seconds."

She giggled. "Great! Give me a few minutes to grab the stuff I need!"

Snatcher grumbled to himself as he watched the girl sprint happily away, likely running to her spaceship to grab the device she had mentioned. He still had a feeling he was going to regret this.

* * *

"Huh, I didn't think that's what he meant."

Hat Kid had an eyebrow raised as her gaze was turned upwards, where Bart the minion was gently swaying back and forth in the wind, a long noose hanging from a tree tied securely around his neck.

"Well, of course!" Snatcher chuckled. "What else would he mean by _'raise'_? Ahahahahahahahaa!"

The girl shrugged dismissively before turning back to the shadow. "Alrighty then."

"Now, you know I'm not the worrying type, kid. But, I've got to ask… You do know what you're doing, right?"

Hat Kid had her tongue stuck out in concentration as she finished securing a large, steel, helmet-like apparatus to Snatcher's head. The device looked to be a mishmash of various different machinations and doohickies, from levers, pistons and spinning gears on one side, to a functioning Tesla coil heating up a glowing glass ball filled with purplish goo on the other side, and what looked like a toaster and a blender that had somehow been fused together into one very indescribable (but likely very useful) amalgamation on the top.

All of these and more were secured to a plain, over-sized callunder with a mixture of duct tape and glue, and sticking out at all random angles with no semblance of order or pre-planning. Overall, the whole thing looked more like a piece of modern art as opposed to a high-tech alien device.

Except, it was a bit more visually appealing than your usual modern art project.

"Of course! I always know what I'm doing, so long as I'm doing it the right way!"

"That's not what…" _Wait… what?_

"Okay, all done!" She declared with a beaming face. With a quick, graceful leap, the young girl jumped down from the tall, makeshift platform she had been standing on to reach Snatcher's head all the way back down to the dense, forest floor.

"Is it ready or not?" Snatcher asked, cursing himself as he noticed the slightest hint of trepidation in his own voice.

"Yep! We're ret-2-go!"

"We're what?"

"What what?"

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing."

"But…" The shadow growled softly. "You're getting on my nerves again, kid…"

"Trust me, it's totally more annoying for everyone else."

Snatcher quickly decided it would be best to not ask what she meant. "Kid, am I gonna have to wait until I die again before you turn this thing on?"

"Not yet. First we have to go through some safety procedures!" With an overly-formal cough, the girl suddenly pulled out a very official-looking pair of glasses and a clipboard. "Now, step 1: If you start to develop any itches or rashes at any point during the procedure, don't scratch them until after you've arrived, otherwise your consciousness will shatter across like, a bazillion different dimensions. Though, you don't have skin, so that probably won't happen. Probably."

She cleared her throat. "Step 2: If you happen to create any undesirable timelines, the first thing you should do is to seek out any alternate versions of yourself in order to…"

"Alright, let's back up a little bit, shall we?" Snatcher interrupted. "Maybe you've just forgotten, but I thought we were just trying to get my memories back?"

"Of course we are! And the best way to get back old memories is to go back to when you made them in the first place!"

"Kid, for the love of… _Please_ tell me you're not talking about…"

"You'd better believe it, baby! Time travel!" She declared, flourishing with an extravagant pose.

"Of course… Well, kid, looks like you're in luck! I'm officially revoking my offer. You can go home now. So long, and kindly don't come back."

Immediately, the Snatcher took a hold of the metal device on his head and began trying to pull it off, only to have his face fall into a frown when he realized he couldn't make it budge.

"What the… come on… you piece of junk…"

"What? What's the problem?"

"I'm not…" He grunted, tugging up on the device to no avail. "Traveling through _time_ for you, kid. That was _not_ part of the deal."

"Well, it's not exactly 'traveling' through time, per say. It's just…"

"Stop right there. I really, _really_ don't care about the specifics, kid. You withheld details from our agreement, and in case you've forgotten, that's _my_ job. Now? Now I just don't feel like we can trust each other anymore, can we? Heheheheh..."

"Oh, come on!" She said with a hint of pout in her voice. "You said you would!"

"And I've changed my mind. I do that from time to time. After all, I'm not the stubborn one here, now am I?"

He began pulling up on the device harder, so hard that it would have left a painful crick in his neck (had he had a skeleton of course, or could even feel pain in the first place.) Despite the effort, the device remained as fixed as a mountain on the landscape.

"Why is this thing not coming off!?" He snarled. "Kid, take it off me! Now!"

"It can't come off while it's charging."

"Charging?"

Now that she mentioned it, there did seem to be a steadily increasingly _hum_ coming from the machine, and it appeared as though some of the gears, pistons and doohickies were spinning, pumping and doohickying a bit faster than before.

"What is it doing? Kid, I swear, if this thing is…"

"Hold that thought!" She interrupted, and suddenly pulled out a rectangular, bright blue, controller-looking device from out behind her back. Sticking her tongue out in concentration, she began twisting a large, black dial counter-clockwise, and as she did, Snatcher noticed the noise humming from the device began to get steadily louder.

"Stop playing around! Kid, if you don't stop this thing right now, I swear I'll hang you up next to the other chumps who disobeyed me!"

"Ten more seconds!" She sang, a wickedly excited gleam on her face.

"I am not joking around! Stop it!"

"Five! Four! Three!"

"THAT'S IT! You're losing your head!"

In the blink of an eye, Snatcher was lunging down towards the girl at a terrifying speed, a decidedly murderous look in his eyes. However, just half a second before he could wrap his hands around her neck, she finished the countdown.

"One, aaaaaaaaand, _boop!_ "

With a clenched fist and an animated flourish, she slammed down on a large, bright red button right in the middle of the blue remote. Immediately, Snatcher felt a sharp, electric shock shoot through his ghostly form, and he found that his movements had stopped as suddenly as though someone had pressed the 'Pause' button on his very existence.

 _Wh-what the..._ he thought, _why can't I move? What is this?_

This sensation lasted for only a few split seconds, however, it quickly gave way for something much stranger. The edges of his vision began to get blurry, only for the blur to slowly creep inwards until the entire world appeared as though he was looking at it through a tinted shower screen.

A surge of burning cold washed over him as though he had plunged into the deepest pool of solid water and was quickly being swept away in its furious torrent. Somewhere, at the back of his mind, he realized that he was no longer in the same place he was a second ago. However, since he had no way to understand where, his mind forcefully shut down that thought, vainly grasping on the last threads of logic and purpose.

And it only began to get stranger from there, as pieces of reality began to peel from the visual surface, allowing brief glimpses into dimensions of infinite color and shattered time. Or perhaps he was only imagining the flowing waves of white glass, pictures of expanding nothingness and the black maw of traveling, consuming matter, and diamonds of plain, undisturbed matter.

The consciousness began sinking underneath the ticking wheel of whistling steel, going the wrong way, soon to end, soon to revert to the old realities of invisible cages and fire. Eyes followed every touch and every experiment, and every ear could hear every breath and every question and every answer until it all stopped and fell apart into the first sea of everything. The fading eternity of existence blasted like a rippling dune of sandy dust, piercing its way into all dimensions of matter and mind and soul and life and game.

Drowning in the white soul, bathing in the currents of time, down to the very bottom, one question of the fading conscious still had no answer, and yet was remembered still.

 _Why is there a whale here?_

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _To be perfectly honest_ _, this chapter honestly should have been published a few months ago, as I had had most of it written down, but I'm afraid I ran into a serious case of Writer's Block concerning it and it was left unfinished for too long. That being said, I still shouldn't have kept you all waiting so long, and I promise that the next chapter will be out much sooner than this one. Though, 'soon' is very much a relative term, considering how slow of a writer I tend to be._

 _Anyway, this chapter was a lot of fun to write. Snatcher continues to be one of my favorite characters to write dialogue for, and once again, I really hope I managed to capture his personality in a believable and enjoyable way. Things in general might be a bit different from this chapter onward, but I'm still going to work my hardest to make sure he's written in a way that respects his character. Because after all, the big guy deserves it, doesn't he?_

 _And before I say anything else, I just wanted to give everyone a massive thanks for all the favorites, follows, reviews, and just general support that you all have given me recently. I'm fairly certain a single chapter has never gotten this much attention from so many people, and I'm immensely glad that I apparently managed to entertain you all. I do hope that this new chapter was to everyone's liking, and I hope you're all excited for more too. I know I certainly am._

 _Anyway, I think that's all I've got for now. Thank you all so much for viewing and reviewing, and I hope to see you all in the future. Please, feel free to send me a PM if you've got any questions or would just like to talk. I'll always be happy to shoot one back._

 _Yours truly, Ultimate Supreme Executive Chairman._


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